Meeting Your Self-Saboteur

General Overview

• We all self-sabotage 
• AKA we are all our own biggest obstacle 
• Please take the quiz and fill out the form ASAP
• Today we are going to talk about a great book called The Big Leap and expand our understanding of your unique ways of saboteurs 

The Big Leap

• Amazing, easy read I HIGHLY recommend
• The author (Gay Hendricks) talks about the ways we create “upper limit problems” AKA self-sabotage in order to stop us from feeling higher levels of love, success, and abundance because it doesn’t feel safe
• We are bridging the gap between our lizard brain and the super computer our brain could be
• You have the capability of sustaining high levels of joy, bliss, etc. but you aren’t used to that experience so you will cut it off
• Foreboding joy = when something really good is happening, you’re quick to bring worst case scenarios to your mind because you don’t feel comfortable feeling good
• Lots of very practical steps in here

The Ways We Self Sabotage

• Totally normal human phenomenon 
• Sending us all a wholeeee lot of love 
• the ways we self sabotage are ultimately just protective mechanisms 
• Awareness isn’t key but it is the first step
• You also get to take committed action
• Self-sabotaging behaviors are also adaptive
• So if you scored low in certain areas that may mean you’re using them effectively vs. letting them get in your way
• At the top of all of these self-saboteurs is The Judge
• Not just judging 
• Also blaming, shaming, feeling guilty 
• Emotions are on a scale of frequency
• These lower frequency emotions keep us stuck
• Let’s take on a feeling of neutrality around this 
• These things all developed as a way to adapt and protect in situations in childhood 
• And now they have become maladaptive but these behaviors don’t make you bad 
• If you notice yourself engaging in a form of self-sabotage and then feel bad, criticize and shame yourself, you are only fueling the issue
• These behaviors aren’t bad. They’re natural. Yes, they’re stopping you from living primarily in your zone of genius but they just want to help you
• You get to help them see that it’s ok for them to take a back seat

The Controller

• Controllers believe that if they can control the outcome they can also control their anxiety 
• Unknowns = anxiety producing 
• “The best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans”
• Controls is the biggest illusion
• Truthfully you have very little control over anything other than your internal state 
• Control is telling the universe that you think you know best

Restless

• The challenge is truly focusing on one thing at a time
• Multi tasking is an illusion
• Explore your relationship with rest
• True rest is the only way to replenish our capacity for deep work

Hyper-achiever 

• “I’m only safe and worthy when I’m producing”
• Feels difficulty sustaining joy after something good happens
• Always onto the next thing 
• Think about art
• Art, music, etc. is beautiful just because it is
• These things don’t necessarily have clear “utility” but it produces very positive feelings
• What is something amazing about you that has nothing to do with what you can give or do for someone else?

Stickler

• Needs to be right 
• Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?
• Perfectionist
• Tied to a deeper sense of anxiety
• Stops you from taking action because you’re waiting for things to be “just right”
• Very tied into hyper-achiever

People pleaser

• Sacrificing your own needs to make someone else happy
• Losing yourself 
• Excessive helping, self abandonment, feeling responsible for someone else’s feelings
• Being a giver is beautiful but it is the most pure when you give from a full cup
• Commonly comorbid with co-dependence 

Hypervigilance 

• Zones of awareness
• Apocalyptic thinking
• Excessive worrying
• Tied to thinking “if i’m focusing on it then i’m planning for it and I can stop [bad thing] from happening”
• Stops you from enjoying the moment
• Foreboding joy

Avoider

• “If I don’t feel the feeling it will go away”
• Scared of what fully experiencing the feeling will do
• The emotions themselves aren’t what’s causing unhappiness - it’s the stories we have tied to them
• The only way out is through
• If you fully let yourself feel a feeling it can only last for 90 seconds
• Toxic positivity

Hyper-rational

• Comparison game of trauma
• Thinking you can’t “outthink” your feelings
• Justifying everything

Victim 

• Feels life is happening to them
• Nothing is their fault
• Never at cause 

Keep in mind

• These things will never go away completely, that’s ok
• Remember we are focusing on the high scores
• Maybe the low scores are ones we can lean into a bit 
• Take the quiz and fill out the form!!!!